Martin:
It was a long and sometimes difficult drive from Moremi Game Reserve to Chobe National Park today. Much of it through deep sand on some of the tracks. Ended up taking a lot longer than expected so when I finally arrived late at the Ihaha Campsite beside the Chobe River it was already near dusk. While I was brewing up some tea I noticed a group of monkeys up in the trees. They were watching my every move intently - clearly looking for an opportunity to come and nick anything I might leave carelessly hanging around. I was just beginning to relax when one of the camp staff turned up. Asking everyone in the campsite to pack up for the night as quickly as possible. they'd had a report of a very "aggressive" lion in the camp. It was too dangerous to stay up after dark. So an early night then - 7:00 bedtime. But now the true story can be told ...
Location: A Campsite Tree - Earlier that Evening
Monkey 1: This is hopeless - he's not taking his eyes off us.
Monkey 2: Never going to get anywhere near those biscuits at this rate.
Monkey 3: "Hang on a minute lads - I've got a great idea." (delivered in mock cockney accent)
Monkey 1: Look I've told you before stop talking like Michael Caine
Monkey 2: He's never been the same since he nicked that Italian Job DVD
Monkey 3. No listen this is going to work
Location: The Camp Office - the phone rings
Caller: Hello - camp site.
Camp Staff 1: Yes it is
Caller: I've seen a lion. "And I've shot an awful lot of tigers sir. yes, I used a machine gun" He's heading your way.
Camp Staff 1: Thank you for warning us. Err - what's your name?
Caller: "I hope he likes spaghetti. They serve it four times a day in Italian prisons."
Camp Staff 1: Pardon
Caller: "You're only supposed to blow the bloody doors off." (hangs up)
Camp Staff 1: Hello Caller?
Camp Staff 2: Who was that
Camp Staff 1: No idea - I think he was Welsh or possibly Indian. But we need to warn the campers.
Location: A Campsite Tree - Later that Evening
Monkey 1: Worked a treat - but what you get?
Monkey 2: Not much - just this old teabag
Monkey 3: "Never underrate the English, they're not as stupid as they look"
Monkey 1: Right we've had enough of that
Monkey 2: Let's have him
Monkey 3: "Now come on fellas, you wouldn't hit a bloke with no trousers on would you?"